This post by my dear friend Steph convicted and humbled me. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. A conversation with a good friend over the weekend prompted me to publish this post that has been sitting in my draft folder marinating over this past week.
I will tell you the truth. I like stuff.
I wish I weren’t that way.
I’m in awe of people who are truly satisfied with that 5-year-old cell phone that is JUST a phone. Or the ones who can honestly say, “for me, a car is just a way to get from point A to point B.”
Not me.
I like new stuff.
I know things don’t provide everlasting life or true joy.
But they’re fun for a time.
I say that I want my kids to learn to appreciate what we have and to be content without the latest and greatest. I tell my kids they can’t have everything they want when they want it.
But what are they learning from watching me?
JL, I promise I’ll try not to go on and on, but I was thinking about this in a way also. Adam noticed that our kids don’t “keep” things like we did. Adam kept the same mechanical pencil for about 25 years. He joked w/ his students that it was so smart it didn’t make math mistakes. I’ve bought so many combs for my 16 yo son, and he loses them all. I’ve had the same yellow comb since I was about 12.
We used to get things and cherish them and keep them. It didn’t matter that they were old or worn or weren’t the “latest.” They were special. I’m afraid that the younger generation (I’m 47) doesn’t feel this way about possessions. The WalMart-disposable-everything mentality has taken hold, things are designed to last a short time, and everybody’s used to getting the latest gadget every 6 months.
Does this tie into what you were thinking? It just seems this generation is into getting the latest thing for THEM, instead of being very satisfied with making do. I think this is also why we’re so in debt.We have to have the newest version of every possession, and that’s usually only possible with credit.
Depression-era folks were much more frugal, more content to use what they had, happy even to make something last PAST its normal life span. Maybe a new “depression” would be useful in that way.
Yep. Exactly. My husband’s parents are like that. They throw NOTHING away. They aren’t pack rats either. But when they moved out of their home of 40 years and into a retirement community, they had to either find a place to give everything they were getting rid of, or they kept it. They don’t get new stuff unless they truly need it. I wish I were more like that. Maybe it’s not too late to learn?
I read that same post and thought the same thing and could have written this exact post too. I also like new things especially clothes and the latest technology. I’ve been struggling with how to teach my children to be grateful and have began to realize that I can’t just use words, but I have to show them that I’m grateful as well. I think the fact that you and I are even thinking about this shows our desire to become better. Realizing you have a problem is the first step into finding the solution, right? By the way I think you are a beautiful person. Nobody’s perfect and that’s okay!! Love ya!
I’ve asked my friends recently to pray for me specifically in these areas of my heart. I hate that I want to hold on to my iphone and– my house– or whatever else material things I CLING to. I don’t think we’re supposed to be as attached as we’ve become over time. I don’t like being this way either. But, in a way, I’m at least glad that I recognize it and can admit it. You know?
I love the comment above about carelessness- my kids can be like that, too. Not keeping track of their things because they’ve learned it will be replaced. I’ve stopped replacing things- and that includes important things like SHOES. If they can’t find their shoes, then we don’t go anywhere until they do. I refuse to buy another pair just so they have “back up”. This might sound weird to some people but seriously, we “can’t find shoes” several times a day even though we have a spot for shoes.
Anyway, thanks, Jo-Lynne. We’re all still works in progress.
Steph
PS I do have to say, the more I keep it in my focus (being wise with our things, not letting our things have too much of a hold) the things of the world do grow strangely dim. So it gets easier. But, it’s also a struggle to get the whole family on board.
Steph
Is this Steph who wrote the post? I want to say thanks — I clicked over there from Jo-Lynne, and your thoughts resonate with me. And I truly do believe that, as we let go of our attachments in this world (especially the petty ones), our hearts are opened to heavenly attachments. When you wrote that “it just felt right in my heart” (my paraphrase), I understood exactly. There is a deep satisfaction in kneading bread, sewing a torn tablecloth, reusing things, being a homemaker. How can we be homemakers when we’re only buying, never making?
I was going to leave a comment over there, but there were already 80, and I didn’t think one more person blabbing would make a difference:)
And — I have refused to replace my sons lost comb. Now he has to ASK before he comes in my room to use mine.
I don’t think the shoe rule is weird. My kids are the same way. They can never find their shoes, and they have about 5 pairs each – esp in the summer, when they have a lot of flip flops and such. Drives me CUH-RAZY.
I think that the only things that we really buy new are electronics. Furniture, vehicles, clothes etc. are usually used. I love being on the hunt for a good deal. BUT I’m also VERY particular on WHERE it came from. I don’t buy used junk. You know what I mean? But it’s VERY hard for me to buy new cause I’ve trained my brain to look for the next good deal. LOL! Not to say that I don’t buy new, because I do. At least when it comes to clothes for me. Which usually come from Wally World. *sigh* LOL!
I am SO not good at shopping for used things. Except cars, lol. We always buy used cars. But I should try to be better at shopping 2nd hand. I have friends that find awesome stuff that way, and spend next to nothing.
Of course, again, it can get easy to get caught up in buying stuff you don’t need just because it’s a good deal. So I suppose the lure of stuff can come from pretty much anywhere.
JL, you make good points here. I shop faithfully at Salvation Army and another local second-hand store. I hardly ever buy clothes anywhere else. The thing is, you have to have the time to go regularly and know how to spot the bargains.
But your second point is crucial too – it’s easy to fall into the habit of buying something you don’t need just because it’s only a dollar. That adds up. My mom does that every week. That’s as wasteful as paying too much for an item.
(It’s never too late to start, JL! And I’ll say that, although poverty is not necessary to learn these things, it sure is helpful. There aren’t many advantages to being poor in one’s culture, but perhaps this is one.)
This was a great, thought provoking post. Thanks for sharing the link.
I go back to the words of the apostle Paul in Philippians 4:11 – 13:
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Be thankful, Jo-Lynne, that you do not need to be more frugal in this season (as Steph does. As I do.). God has blessed you right now by not having your family be needy, and that is a good thing. Just remember, as others have said, to hold your “things” lightly. And your post shows that you are learning to do just that (along with the rest of us!).
Yes, that verse always humbles me.
And yes, I am blessed, and I am very thankful. However, sometimes I wonder if it’s truly a blessing, not being in need of anything. I think about this a lot – not as much about my own situation, but as a culture. We talk about being blessed to have so much. And then I wonder, is it truly a blessing? Being in need builds character, and it forces us to rely on God, not on ourselves. And of course, as a culture that has so much, we always want more, more, more. That is certainly no way to live.
Again, I’m speaking in generalizations here. Great food for thought.
Aren’t you driving the same van that you have been for many years and aren’t you just now looking for a new car only because you need one? I think that is a great way to teach kids about not buying new. New cars are EVERYWHERE.
I had this long comment written and then deleted it somehow. Long story short: I used to spend a lot of money we didn’t really have on new stuff to the tune of about $20,000 in credit card debt. We used to drive only new cars.
Starting a few years ago we did start asking friends for prayer as we tried to change some spending habits. We made some significant changes but I would say that it was this last year where we HAD to stop spending because of the effects of a bad economy on our business. Putting a halt on my new kitchen was a hard pill to swallow.
I think things are made so cheaply these days that part of the reason we want new is because new is the only way we can guarantee it will work. Like cordless phones for our house – can you even buy one that lasts more than 3 years anymore?
I know for my husband and I, we both grew up with very little extra stuff so that as adults we found it exciting to spend money on what we wanted.
And finally, new stuff is just in our face all the time. Our friends have it, it’s on tv, the internet, companies are giving you free stuff all the time as a blogger. It’s crazy how promoted something is before it even comes out. It’s difficult not to want it all. Our parents did not have nearly the options we have and things were simply made to last a long time.
Still…I guess we do have to know what place stuff has in our lives.
For me the biggest thing I’ve learned about my spending habits and what I try to teach my kids is to try to determine if the stuff that I want has a hold on me somehow. I don’t think it’s bad to get new things as long as I can easily let go of them, too. And letting go might mean not getting them at all and just learning to be happy with what I have.
It’s not been an easy journey for me but defintely rewarding.
LOL – Okay that ended up being the longest comment ever! Sorry!
Yeah, we drive old cars, we don’t pay for cable, we hardly ever eat out, and we are not mired in debt, but still. It’s the little things I’m thinking about — the stuff we don’t need.
Good for you for getting out of debt and living within your means! I’ll never forget when I was in college, and my mom gave me a credit card. “For necessities.” Well, I racked (wracked?) up $500 in credit card debt and at the time, that was huge. She made me pay it off myself, and that is the best lesson she ever taught me.
Never apologize for long comments! The conversation in the comments is the whole reason why I blog.
I wish I could say we were debt free. sigh. The last two years have been hard but I feel thankful we are still in business and still have a house.
The hardest place for me not spend money is on things for my house and stuff for my kids. Although, I do find it important to spend money on my hair, too.
I hear ya!
This is so true and I’m sure we all struggle with this. It helps me when I keep the company of those who do not covet posessions. If I have the newest and shiniest around those who have not, I feel excessive and embarassed. When I spend too much time with the “Joneses”, I instantly am in hot persuit of new (cars, curtains, clothes, houses, crap). We’re all a little weak, and I truly believe that the people we surround ourselves with influence and should reflect our core values. Thanks for this post!
That’s a great point.
I really struggle with a balance in this area, too. I think a valid point that was mentioned above is that things are just not made well like they used to be. Can you honestly buy many furniture pieces without a little, “MDF” or Veneers anymore? I was actually told twice this year by repair people that Refrigerators are not meant to last more than 5 or so years. Really? I know the avocado green fridge that my parents owned almost made it through high school with me. (I’m the youngest so that means it lasted about 25 years) Also, since Ford took over Volvo, they are no longer built to make it past 300,000 miles. I know that’s not the point you are making but our society in general is very much into, cheap, quick, and “disposable.” Heck, even human life is disposable now…but that’s another issue. I think you can differentiate these issues with children by pointing out when they have lost or broken something out of carelessness or just because it was plum wore out.
It’s also a good way to teach children to invest in something that is made well…you can still find it but it just takes a little more $ and work. Kids know the difference and they need to understand that things cost money and money is earned by hard work…etc.etc.
I’ll make the other points quickly because baby is ramping up and and ready to let loose some crying.
***Always remain open to giving. Danger signals are when you start to cut back on giving or give reluctantly.
***I really think God created women to love beauty. I really stopped feeling guilty about wanting to buy things (within reason) to make my house beautiful. My vocation requires that I make a home for my family that is a safe, comfortable, and lovely place for them. It’s O.K. to always look for ways to make your home more beautiful.
***Same goes for making ourselves beautiful–within reason, of course–It’s O.K. to like clothes and accessories as long as they do not distract us too much from our path to holiness. Meaning, not to get too prideful about the new “insert name brand” purse, but rather be the confident, beautiful woman God has created us to be AND not to be so attached that we yell at our toddler and crumble into a puddle of tears after he has drawn all over said name brand purse with a Sharpie marker…ahem…just an example that popped into my head.
Many saints have written about, “detachment” from worldly things and desires. (I was just reading something written in the 1500′s about this very issue) This is not a new struggle and God is certainly not threatened by my love of handbags. I do, however, know that this is an issue for me and what I need to continually offer up to the Lord in prayer. This IS how I am needy…my flesh is weak and I need God to give me the strength to overcome it.
Could go on and on, as usual, but I’ll stop there. Thanks for a great post.
I like new things and “stuff” too, especially clothing and accessories. And now that I have a daughter, I love to buy things for her that she doesn’t necessarily “need” but I think are cute.
I look around our home and realize that we have too much stuff and I get antsy to minimize and simplify. But it’s hard.
And I agree with mary kathryn, that our generation and future generations just don’t value things like we used to and part of that is because they are not made as well (in some cases) as they used to be.
Quick(ish) story… I remember when my husband and I were dating for a little while and he couldn’t believe that I still had the same (old) t.v. I’d purchased it with CASH before I left for college and I loved that darn t.v. He thought I should have something newer and better and suggested I get rid of it and buy a new one. I was all like, “why? It works just fine!” Mind you, the t.v. left the “family” about 5 years after we got married, when it was on it’s last leg. I was surprised he let it hang around that long but I was happy to see that it lasted a while.
I just think it’s funny that these days many people have that mind set – to get rid of something like a t.v. before it even “dies”. Even my hubby.
My parents finally got rid of a t.v. of theirs when there were lines all of the screen and I think they had to because of the digital programming…
Great post! We do all have rationalizations for getting stuff. I actually like what Suze Orman has to say about this, “Value People first, then money, then things.” If you add God to the top of the list, I think that is a sound theory for financial health.
Ah yes. Exactly what I’ve been wrestling with. I love blogging about fashion, but I feel extremely convicted about how much I buy. I say I’m content, yet I think nothing of picking up a new top or two or three when I stroll through the mall.
I’m hoping this fashion diet I”m on this month will help with the struggle to align my practices with my values.
Before I even got past the first sentence I knew you were talking about THE Steph. She’s a ray of inspirational sunshine that I wish I could keep in my back pocket.
I’m so with the both of you.
I loved that post too. I am more crunchy than I used to be, but I still want way too much.
Great link and great comments. It’s really funny, but in the last month God has really been dealing with me regarding stuff and how quick I am to buy things, too. Thankfully, my husband and I are both employed and have not gone through the trials that so many have during these very tough economic times. However, I feel like I see money spent too carelessly or “just because we wanted it” and that’s where God has convicted me…Am I being responsible? The answer would be no most of the time. So, I decided to check out some Dave Ramsey books from the library, and I am now much more motivated to have a plan, be accountable and stick to it.
And I totally agree with the comment about who we hang around often dictates our desire for or contentment with things. It’s truly all a matter of the heart.
My best friend and I have been discussing this at length. HOW are our children supposed to know the difference between want and need when we don’t. We gulped down some serious humble pie.
I struggle with this too. Since getting married and having to learn to budget *with* my husband, he’s noticed a few budget line items that I had included under “necessities” that weren’t really… like spa days.
We still have a lot of student loans to pay off, and my recent-law-school-grad husband has yet to find a job, so we had to cut out all unnecessary spending… including my beloved spa days. With Dave Ramsey’s help, we’ve begun to focus on not spending in order to save for certain goals… in our case, paying off student debt, buying a house, saving up for a buying a car when our Honda clunker dies, a vacation to Europe, etc etc etc.
Not spending on spa days, new clothes, makeup, books, etc is hard… but saving up for a European vacation is a lot easier. Sort of glass half full style, but it’s been really helpful for us!!
Isn’t it interesting how many ladies on this comment thread say that they’ve been dealing with THIS ISSUE lately? Maybe the economic slowdown is turning many people’s minds toward a spiritual understanding of their money and spending, since we’re all getting pinched.
God’s goal seems always to drive us toward dependence on him. It shouldn’t surprise us when he removes other forms of security, so we lean on him. JL, I imagine when he thinks you need the lessons that poverty will bring you, he won’t hesitate to give you poverty
But the fact that you’re grappling with this issue may be all the coercion you need, which is a good thing. Some of us need a heavier hand, over and over again.
Steph’s post really got to me too. I’ve thought about it almost daily.
We spent a couple of years in a pretty financially tight place and I got really good about only buying necessities (i.e. food and diapers) and, occasionally, clothes and shoes. Clearly with growing kids, you’ll have to replace clothes and shoes for reasons beyond being in fashion, as is the case with my clothes and shoes.
Now, the money is less tight and I find myself getting caught up in superficial wants like home decor and the like and keep thinking, “didn’t I learn that those things aren’t necessary?”
Do you read the SortaCrunchy blog? She did a fantastic post today about living in tension. I’m getting to that place too, where I see the money that is spent on frivolous pursuits and think of what good it could do for so many, many people.
I dunno..it’s about balance. We are (and I would imagine you are too) careful not to just run out and get something because it is the latest and greatest. Yes, I have an iphone BUT my phone was cracked and clearly needed replacing. Yes, I just got a new vehicle BUT only after my van had 11 years and 165K miles and no working doors! Our daughter has seen the fun of getting new stuff that comes AFTER a period of waiting and saving.
My grandparents rarely purchased new things and I’m sure it worked for them but I’m not ready to completely adopt a lifetime of frugality in that way. I want my daughter to learn that it’s ok to enjoy new things and pamper herself…but that definitely isn’t the goal of living.
I agree about the balance, but I also think that you are the exception, not the rule – waiting till your phone breaks and your car isn’t working to replace. I definitely am not advocating living an austere life, but I think sometimes I pamper myself TOO much.
Speaking of an 11 year old van, we are trying VERY hard to let ours go another year or two. Ours is 9.5 years old and has 130K mi and the doors work (well, one only works half of the time, lol.) You are inspiring me!