Heavy.

My heart is so very heavy this morning.

I had a whole slew of posts planned out for the rest of this week about fun events I’ve attended and new products I’ve discovered, but right now I’m feeling too raw and emotional to pretend to care.

On a good day, these topics seem frivolous, but given the events of the last few days . . . I just can’t bear to keep prattling on when there is so much heartache and pain going on around me.

Without going into all the gory details, we’ve been dealing with some medical issues in our home. I would explain further except that the party concerned is not fond of being the object of discussion on my blog, and I need to honor that.

Suffice it to say that it’s been a tough couple of days, but I think we are going to be alright. We have a treatment plan and a fairly optimistic prognosis, and we are very thankful that we were able to have the necessary tests and see the specialists that gave us our answers without having to wait.

But there’s more.

There are friends suffering with all manner of heartache today. Some are neighbors, some are friends, some I only know on Facebook. But their pain is real. Everywhere I look, I see pain and suffering. And I hurt for them.

I can’t help but imagine what they are going through, what they are thinking, how they are feeling. And I can’t help but think how unfair it all is. These thoughts have been taking over my thoughts and my emotions lately. I’m just feeling very raw today.

Please forgive me for being cryptic; some stories simply aren’t mine to tell.

I went running this morning — my first time out in over a week. I forced myself to go, after a fitful night of more wake that sleep.

My mind wandered, as it tends to do when I’m pounding the pavement. Before I knew it, I had tears streaming and sobs heaving.

As I rounded the corner to my neighborhood, Phil Phillips’ song Home came on my iPod. I love the song and always enjoy it, but the words had a bittersweet message this time.

I gazed down my peaceful street lined with attractive homes and tidy lawns, where we raise our kids and dream our dreams, and I suddenly had this thought:

This is not my home.

This world. This fallen, painful, mixed-up world. It is not my home. 

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

I wish I could say I found total peace and comfort in that fact, but for today it just has to be enough to get me through.

Comments

  1. says

    Amen! I love that you respect when stories belong to someone else. I’m sorry you’re having a trying time with family and friends but remembering this life is just the first chapter in our story of eternity puts everything in perspective.

  2. says

    This feeling must be going around. I just said yesterday that I wish I could look into people’s eyes and steal away a little of their hurt so that they did not have to feel it. Heaviness is all around.

  3. says

    My prayers are with you. Much like your reminder that this is not our home, my prayer has been a reminder to myself that we will not be given more than we can endure.

  4. Meghan says

    *hugs* This too, will pass.

    It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: “And this, too, shall pass away.” How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!

  5. says

    My heart breaks for you. Such a challenging and difficult time. I am glad that you have an outlet in running and that you are letting your emotions out. I hope that you can find comfort in all of us who are thinking of you and hugs from those close to you.

  6. says

    Hugs and prayers

    and please dont apologise for frivolous posts …… someone who is having a tough time might just appreciate temporarily escaping their troubles to read your blog.

  7. says

    I know that feeling well. I really think that these times in our lives are God’s way of reminding us that this world just isn’t IT. You have the right perspective. I am praying for you, my friend.

  8. April says

    I’m sorry for your pain. I’ve been there in different seasons of my life…the only blessing for me has been a change in perspective…exactly what you posted about. I pray that this trial will renew your love for Christ and your family.

  9. Julie L. says

    Check out the song “Where I Belong” by Building 429. It’s been my anthem this summer. Our hearts have also been heavy as three of our family friends have been diagnosed with cancer in the last month. Prayers for your family.

  10. says

    Oh, bless you, Jo-Lynne! Some days/months in life are just rocky and they HURT. It’s anguishing to watch others go through it, and it’s numbing to go through it yourself. I’m so sorry. But your instinct to realize that your home is in heaven is so RIGHT. It does help some. In the middle of all the brokenness of this earth (and there is so much), we know God has a perfect Earth for us, a perfect home, where all will be set right, not for 70 years, but for eternity. I try to keep my eyes on that too. May He give you the peace that is beyond human reason. When you feel it, the peace itself is proof that He’s there.

  11. says

    This was so beautiful. I think sometimes it’s easier to talk about the fluffy and light stuff so we don’t have to face the very real, raw and downright hard things. But it only lasts so long. I hope the tears were cleansing for you and am thankful that you have hope.

  12. gayle says

    sending prayers of peace and healing to you and those around you. Maybe it’s time for your blog to “support” you as you have shared and taught us so much.

  13. Monica says

    I appreciate your post this morning – very real and honest. I am fairly new to your blog. You’re doing a great job! The truth is life is not just about meal planning and trips, and you’ve reminded us that there is real pain in not only your world, but your readers as well. Prayers going out to those in physical and emotional pain. Have a great weekend. :)

  14. says

    I have been feeling sad all summer…now raw like you are, which is totally understandable. But this is what I printed and is posted on my vanity, so I remember, as you said, “this is not by home.”
    Romans 8 (New American Standard Bible)
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    Romans 8

    New American Standard Bible (NASB)
    Deliverance from Bondage

    8 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life [a]in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, [b] weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of [c]sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

    9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is [d]alive because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies [e]through His Spirit who dwells in you.

    12 So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— 13 for if you are living according to the flesh, you [f]must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery [g]leading to fear again, but you have received [h]a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “ Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

    The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. **For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. From Romans 8:16-18

    (((HUGS)))

  15. Julie S. says

    Hugs and prayers, Jo-Lynne. That’s what I’m always struck with when pain, death, and heartache strike too close… this is not my home. May the peace of Christ envelope you and your family.

  16. says

    Totally wish I could bear hug you right now. This is so heartbreaking. But I’m so glad you included that last part because we all can find ourselves wrapped up in this world and it’s material things. We just need a reminder here and there that this isn’t it, there’s something even better! My prayers are with you.

  17. Christine says

    I’m so sorry that you are struggling so. Keep on looking to Him and standing on His word. It’ll always be enough for each day as it comes. Please know that I will keep you and your family lifted up in prayer.

  18. says

    This post has struck a chord JoLynne. I was up at 4 this morning praying for friends and family that are struggling with illness. I have also been there. Praying for you and your family.
    “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
    Blessings,
    Cyndi

  19. Colleen says

    So sorry you’re going through a rough time. I don’t know you outside of your blog, but my heart hurts for you. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  20. Rochelle says

    It does seem like there is so much heartache and pain in the world. Some days I feel like just grabbing my kids (2 & 5) and not letting go. It reminds me to enjoy these moments I have with them because you never know when your time will come. It would be so easy to live in fear of what might happen but I have to trust God that he holds us in his hands and he will bring us through whatever we may face. Thanks for the post. Pray and hope that things improve.

  21. Sheri O. says

    I am sitting here praying & thanking God for my son (he is 10 today!) and I’m reminded what a gift he is even with the struggles he faces. I will also pray for you and your lovely family. I am so sorry you are suffering.

  22. DeAnn says

    Prayers for you. It’s been a rough year here with a close friend and a friend’s husband diagnosed with cancer, a friend in the ICU with a strange infection, and a dear friend losing her son because of a reaction to an antibiotic. I feel like we’ve all been in crisis mode. Not sure if it’s our age or just the times in which we live. I don’t understand the whys but I know my faith has been strengthened watching these beautiful families cling to God and watching our community come together to take care of them. I’m not a big country music fan but my friends and I heard Colin Raye speak and sing last weekend. This song really spoke to us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOJXWYS5FAU&feature=share. Blessings!!!

  23. Kathie says

    I stumbled upon your blog whilst on Pinterest looking for a Mojito recipe (I made yours by the way!) :) I cannot tell you how thankful I am to see that other Christian women struggle with the sadness of the world as I do. This summer has been devastating for me and my family — and at times, I too am just overcome with ALL of the sadness in the world — not just ours. So many hurting and troubled people — and I wonder WHY and WHERE Is the healing and restoration? It’s just overwhelming. I love the verse you posted: “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 This world is NOT our home. The fairy tale ending I SO wish COULD BE will not occur here — but there is the promise of that day when all things will be revealed, and everyone will be WHOLE again — even the ones who have caused us so much pain. Thanks be to God that we can believe — at least in this moment, and that is enough for this moment. I will be praying for you, too!

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